Writing and editing

David: Who are you texting on Christmas Day?

Stan: My boyfriend. (in reality my bf Monica)

David: Well your boyfriend should help you pay off debt.

Stan: Hrmph. Maybe he will. Actually, probably not.

David: I was thinking that is why men have multiple wives, it wouldn’t work the other way around. If you took another husband it would be like twice the amount of work for you.

Stan: That is true.

David: But if you had a bunch of wives, you could really get a lot done. Everything would be so super organized.

Stan: Yeah, you know when my sister came over and I went upstairs for 10 minutes to put the baby down for a nap. When I got back down, she had washed, dried and put away all my dishes. She actually apologized for not knowing where one of the pots went.

Later, I decided to google “sister wives”. Lo and behold there is a reality show about a polygamist family. I haven’t made it through the episode, but if you have a few minutes and there are no sharp objects around your computer that you might accidentally shove in your eyes, then I totally recommend the video below.

http://www.vimeo.com/15582302

Holden’s first Christmas was fun. Mostly he complained about being taken out past his bedtime two nights in a row. He did get some lovely presents and David and I stayed in our pajamas until 1 on Christmas Day, which was pretty great.

Practice has been a little tricky with the enormous amounts of food I have been eating. I am working on parsva dhanurasana right now. Initially, it made my incision a little tender and I felt a bit sucky doing final backbends. I’m very dramatic about my incision and any little twinge I get pretty neurotic about. I try not to share my hysteria with anyone else, but of course after two days of sensation in parsva dhanurasana I wigged out a little and imagined my psoas stretching too far, the incision line bursting and my guts flying out across the mysore room. Thankfully, I don’t believe I have come close to doing that and my incision line is still intact, slightly purply/pink, and slowly shrinking.

Currently, I am feeling sucky about a knot at the base of my left shoulder blade from carting around the 20 lb-monster vegan baby. It starts mid-back and travels up into my jaw. Yuk – it is such a gross feeling. Backbending does help a little. Apparently drinking coffee doesn’t help. Rats!

I always feel a little shy commenting on other blogs. I have a small window of opportunity to read them and when I do, I fret a little about saying something really witty and intelligent. Like people would read through each comment – see mine and be wowed at the my insight.

Often I write a comment, try to post and I see that the google account is signed in as dr. Then I reread the comment and realize I sound like a complete dork and the moment is gone. Mostly, I just want to write, “I don’t know you. But it sounds like you are really nice (funny/smart/thoughtful).” Less often, I want to write “Don’t worry about your practice. You are nice.”

Someone mentioned to me last night that she wanted to introduce herself before commenting in the blog, which as a reader I totally understand. As a blog writer, I was kinda like, “God, you have no idea what kind of comments come my way.” I thought I would share a few with you from the little spam robots.

There are a few categories of spam. There is the porn spam – often in Russian. Those robots like to comment on my pregnancy posts:

Free porn videosxxx. Angelina Jolie nude. Celebrity sex. xxx Lady Gaga naked.  Pregnant nude xxxx. Long porn tube.”

What is a long porn tube? Yuk.

“орошо :-) не слушайте вы этих сексуальных маньяков”

Google translation: “It is well you don’t listen to these sex maniacs.” Indeed.

Then there are the ones shilling essays, which are, ironically, so poorly written. I often have to read them a few times to grasp the meaning. Then again, I think my essays in university might have had the same problem. Here is my favourite one:

“If you try to find locality where you can buy a term paper here is very downright place for you about essays writing, which fit examples and gives an opportunity to learn how make review . But this site is more beautiful, and more improving. So don’t be lazy and buy a paper about this post.”

I don’t get it. Should I buy an essay in my “locality” or am I lazy? What a thesis!

My favourite spam comments disguise themselves as praise. Actually, the whole thing is a bit sad because initially I am so flattered that I want to approve them – until I realize it is a link to a creditor’s website. I think I might have approved this.

“Man, really want to know how can you be that smart, lol…great read, thanks.”

Hahaha!

I started this blog for my parents, so that my father could show my mother I was still alive and pregnant in India. But since I started my blog has really taken off with readers all over the world looking for remoras. David told me, “Once you start this blog, you have to continue it. It will become a commitment.” And I am committed to remora-lovers worldwide.

In other news I went to Scarborough Town Centre two days ago.

Beyond frightening! It took me 20 minutes to figure out how to get out of the parking lot.

Still wondering how I got so smart?

David: Have you seen your stats lately?

Stan: (distracted) Huh? Ummm, no.

David: You are getting, like 700 hits a day.  You suddenly spiked. Let’s see here…..

Stan: (my model baby? c-section ashtanga? greatest blog writer in the universe award?)

David:…Oh – It is remoras. Yep. Looks like over 50% of your google traffic comes from searching remoras.

Stan: Oh.

David: And 8% come from Snow White  bird searches. And uh… let’s see: Oh, just 7% from ashtanga.

Stan: Oh.

Anyone need help on building a remora website?

We took a guided tour through Tulum. Our tour guide was great. He walked slowly, which I like. He ambled from shady spot to shady spot (“I’ll stop here for the baby.”) pointing out areas of reconstruction and showing us pictures of the architecture based on solar and lunar positions.

David: Have you seen Apocalypto?

Tour Guide: Yes. Yes. So, anyway…

D: How much of it was true?

TG: (wearily) Well it is Hollywood, maybe 50%.

Stan: I wonder if they did human sacrifice here?

TG: There was no human sacrifice at Tulum because…..

S: Is this where the movie was filmed??

D: Yeah, it was about this region.

TG: …and every September 15 and March 15 the sun would……

S: I didn’t know Apocalypto was about the Yucatan.

D: Right here.

TG: ……this beautiful lagoon over here……

S: Was the human sacrifice part in the movie, the Toltecs then?

D: I don’t know, maybe.

TG: ….and then the snake Kukulkan….

S: I wonder how real that movie was?

D: Apocalypto was a good movie. A great chase movie

S: I want to see it again. Mel Gibson, who would have thought?

Must be hard to give tours to morons.

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categories: Ashtanga yoga, baby
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Practice has been wonderful here. The moms have taken turns holding the baby during breakfast and David and I are practicing together in our room after his class. Little Owl is a lucky boy. The only downside to practicing in our rooms was we brought the Manduka eko travel mats and I skinned my back doing garbha pindasana.

The baby loves waking up with his dad beside him in bed and he turns from side to side looking at both of us grabbing my hair and David’s nose.

Holden is a little nervous of the ocean. He prefers to just dip his toes in and squint at the sun. If I walk in with him in my arms he makes little high-pitched scared noises.

He likes the hammock.

Travelling with a baby makes you extra lazy about doing stuff, mostly because you worry about feedings, hot sun, crankiness… We have only had one epic poo so far and the warm weather makes it easy to wash and dry stinky things. David and I are taking turns running out of the room and into the ocean and Friday is our trip to Tulum.

We have seen the odd critter here: cockroach, giant spider, lizard – but nothing much to report. The towel critters the cleaning staff leave for us are pretty great. We have a swan.

A creepy lady.

And we got a romantic boat today.

The creepy lady used to be an elephant. Sadly, I didn’t get a picture of that one.

Mercedes landed on the west coast after several very cold days of travel. She got stuck in a snowstorm in Billings, Montana and had to stay in the Motel Vegas and survive on peanuts and coffee. I felt badly for her, although, I was secretly jealous. When the baby was about 4 weeks old that would have been my absolute dream – all alone in a motel room. No one can reach you. No responsibilities. All you can do is listen to the silence, take long long showers and eat sugar out the paper packages. Heaven!

Last night, Holden slept very well, but David didn’t. Every once in a while he would say,

David: Are you cold?

Stan:  I don’t know.

-an hour later-

David: Are you getting bitten? Is there a mosquito in here?

Stan: I don’t know.

-an hour later-

David: Are you OK?

Stan: Yes. I don’t know.

Oh Ehm Gee. My husband is lucky to be alive. I swear to God, I will shiv the hapless soul who dares wake me up.

Thank you for all the lovely comments. I will respond to everyone. The wifi is only available in the reception area, so I write my blogs while Holden naps and then quickly update them when we pass by reception. Holden isn’t a big fan of waiting around and doesn’t really get why we don’t just sit around sucking on the computer instead of tapping away at it.