Writing and editing

I was going to write about my neighbours across the street because they have been fiddling around with their leaf blower for the last hour and it has been totally working my last nerve.

For realz, all the leaves left in November, so the leaf blower is four months late and is now just making the road into a 30’s style dust-bowl. The noise is so awful, I want to rupture my eardrums and then walk across the street and hand them a broom. Brooms work and they are inoffensive, unless you are a cat.

As I was getting ready to write, I realized that the only reason I really care about the leaf blower is because I am on my period. If I wasn’t I might be more charitable. Might be. And then I realized, I have written a lot about pregnancy and Ashtanga and I have never written about practicing and riding the crimson wave.

A Few Notes about Ladies Holiday.

1. Okay. Talk about wanting to puncture my eardrums. I HATE HATE HATE the term Ladies Holiday. Ladies Holiday is definitely a term invented by men.  You can tell because they use the word “ladies” to describe bitches and the word “holiday” to describe being on the fucking rag.

2. I have an idea: Next time you find yourself in a situation where you are telling your teacher, or a fellow student that you are on your period try one of the following suggestions:

Friend: Hey, I haven’t seen you in class!

You: Oh yeah, My uterus is shedding tears of relief. (I think the real term is “tears of disappointment” but for most of my adult life that hasn’t been the case.)

or

Teacher: Where have you been?

You: Oh, sorry. Shark week.

3. I practice on my Ladies Holiday. Maybe that is controversial. I don’t like to teach unless I practice because I don’t feel very focused if I haven’t got on the mat. I understand if you have been in my class before and seen me drinking coffee you might question my ability to focus, but I can assure you that with my limited brain power it takes all of my focus to hold a coffee cup and tell someone to “Come Up!” from dropbacks.

4. I practice on my Ladies’ Holiday in Mysore because – dude – the cost of the shala fees!

5. I understand there are legitimate and sensible reasons to take three days off a month from practice. It does, however,  boil my blood when I hear men tell women what they should and shouldn’t do while menstruating. So basically, I don’t really care if you don’t practice, or do practice, or practice but no inversions, or practice but just primary. It is no business of mine.

6. And I hope when you do take a Ladies Holiday. It is an actual holiday, involving food, adult cocktails and some cool bitches.

Hi.

In the last three days, three people have mentioned reading my blog. And three times three makes nine, I think, and that is clearly a message from the Gods that if I don’t write in my blog the sky will fall on me.

So, I just turned on the lights here at  Miss Stan headquarters. Dusted the cobwebs off the compooter, powered it up and made some cracking noises with my fingers. Read some fascinating comments from Mr. GetRidOfManBoobs. Now I’m  ready to get everyone caught up

1. Holden, David and I went to Miami, or “Miamit” as Holden calls it, last month. David had a workshop at the Miami Life Center. We stayed at Kino’s house, which was very fun. Now, I get why parents don’t go anywhere with small children unless there is a beach. Holy crap, beaches are entertaining. Holden told me today that he was going to take an airplane to Miamit. His favourite part was when he saw a crab. My favourite part was South Beach fashion.

These pictures are when we just decided to take a walk on the beach, and Holden decided to go for a swim. In his clothes.

2. That picture basically sums up the experience of parenting a toddler on a good day. Your kid wants to do something fun and silly like 98% of the time and 97% of the time you have to be somewhere not soaking wet. But sometimes you catch a break, and you can actually be a total mess and your kid totally jumps on the chance. And it is awesome.

3. Because I don’t want to give my son a crew cut, I have become one of those parents who gets asked constantly if her child is a girl or a boy. Often I pick Holden up at daycare and the teachers have put his hair in a ponytail. Okay, maybe I am also a bit lazy about cutting his hair. I recently cut it after staring at this picture for a while and realizing that I was raising a dirty hippy.

When I cut his hair in the bathtub he cried, “Hair fall down!” And I had to pretend that I was gluing his hair back on his head.

4. Holden is collecting potato bugs that he finds in the basement to show his dad when David gets home from Edmonton and Ottawa. I suppose I should be alarmed that there are that many potato bugs in my house but I figure it could be so much worse. Anyway, all the potato bugs have “fallen down”, which is such an elegant toddler euphemism for dead. Funny that the hair on his head and his nails have also met the same disastrous fate.

5. Yesterday, on a whim I visited the rat-infested Pusateri’s. Well, I guess it was rat-infested last year. Anyway, it was my first time and I bought something in a bottle. I got to see a little old lady who had a driver in a very fancy suit helping her with her crap. And best of all: when I was leaving I was about to turn right out of the parking lot because Avenue Road was a bit busy – but there was a cop there. And he stopped traffic to let me turn left. Imagine that! He went to cop school and he is helping rich people who shop at rat-infested stores turn left. It was so great to turn left and not have to go around, so I was indeed very grateful to the prosperous, if somewhat filthy Pusateri’s.

Life is good.