I was going to write about my neighbours across the street because they have been fiddling around with their leaf blower for the last hour and it has been totally working my last nerve.
For realz, all the leaves left in November, so the leaf blower is four months late and is now just making the road into a 30’s style dust-bowl. The noise is so awful, I want to rupture my eardrums and then walk across the street and hand them a broom. Brooms work and they are inoffensive, unless you are a cat.
As I was getting ready to write, I realized that the only reason I really care about the leaf blower is because I am on my period. If I wasn’t I might be more charitable. Might be. And then I realized, I have written a lot about pregnancy and Ashtanga and I have never written about practicing and riding the crimson wave.
A Few Notes about Ladies Holiday.
1. Okay. Talk about wanting to puncture my eardrums. I HATE HATE HATE the term Ladies Holiday. Ladies Holiday is definitely a term invented by men. You can tell because they use the word “ladies” to describe bitches and the word “holiday” to describe being on the fucking rag.
2. I have an idea: Next time you find yourself in a situation where you are telling your teacher, or a fellow student that you are on your period try one of the following suggestions:
Friend: Hey, I haven’t seen you in class!
You: Oh yeah, My uterus is shedding tears of relief. (I think the real term is “tears of disappointment” but for most of my adult life that hasn’t been the case.)
Teacher: Where have you been?
You: Oh, sorry. Shark week.
3. I practice on my Ladies Holiday. Maybe that is controversial. I don’t like to teach unless I practice because I don’t feel very focused if I haven’t got on the mat. I understand if you have been in my class before and seen me drinking coffee you might question my ability to focus, but I can assure you that with my limited brain power it takes all of my focus to hold a coffee cup and tell someone to “Come Up!” from dropbacks.
4. I practice on my Ladies’ Holiday in Mysore because – dude – the cost of the shala fees!
5. I understand there are legitimate and sensible reasons to take three days off a month from practice. It does, however, boil my blood when I hear men tell women what they should and shouldn’t do while menstruating. So basically, I don’t really care if you don’t practice, or do practice, or practice but no inversions, or practice but just primary. It is no business of mine.
6. And I hope when you do take a Ladies Holiday. It is an actual holiday, involving food, adult cocktails and some cool bitches.