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I love Christmas. I like the lights in the trees and cooking nice dinners. I like hanging out with family and getting cozy by the fire. This year we had heat and lights and hot water so we were extra, extra lucky. I am truly blessed, obviously. But I can’t help but feel like an addict who keeps stretching out the day she is going to kick sugar.

It is bad enough being an Ashtangi during Christmas, because I still get up to practice. But I am also vegan, which makes me the bummer at any family holiday occasion. Like, I know, it is probably hard to eat a dead animal across from David and I, silently judging.

On a side note, Holden has started playing a game where we quiz him about what he eats: Do you eat Pigs? NOOOOOOO! Do you eat dogs? NOOOOOOO! Do you eat tigers? NOOOOOO! Do you eat rice? Mhmmm……. and the last line of the game: DONT EAT ANIMALS! I blame it on this totally harsh vegan kids book I picked up at Farm Sanctuary last year. Holden insisted I read it to him every night with the Lorax for weeks (it was an issue-driven month, I guess). You just know that Holden is going to be a total bummer at most holiday dinners pretty soon.

All this to say, if I didn’t eat sugar – that would be weird and over the top and difficult to explain. Or at least junkie-mind tells me so. Because of course, there is really just one big holiday dinner with my extended family, maybe two.  Really, I start eating sugar early in anticipation. And by Christmas day, I am sort of a mess. Why can’t I just eat sugar like everyone else? People drink gallons of pop everyday and they seem fine – okay, they are  functioning – well, at least they aren’t total bummers at holiday parties.

Currently, I have a sty inside my eye which makes me look like I was punched and feels like I have a twig shoved in my lower lid. I saw it and knew: This was punishment for all the brownies, pies, cookies, and chocolate we ate.  I told David, no more sugar – I have something living in my fucking eye.

And then what happens after I put Holden to bed? I eat a baked good that was  around from the holidays.  David looks at me and says nothing. But what can he say? He missed work today because he has a stomach bug/flu – probably from eating all that sugar with me.

FUCK THE HOLIDAYS.

New Years Eve is Mercedes’ wedding. We are in charge of the dinner and there is, of course,  cake. I guess I HAVE to eat a piece! It is Mercedes wedding! I can’t be that asshole who refuses cake at her stepdaughter’s wedding! I will just be the asshole with the drooping oozing eyelid at her stepdaughter’s wedding.

So, I thought maybe I would kick then. But then my neighbour came by and invited us to a New Years Day bonfire with the kids. He is making bannock and we are bringing vegan marshmallows. So, looks like Jan 2 I am going to kick.

But then my birthday is January 7th. Thanks Mom – now my eye is totally fucked.

Sigh, I will see y’all on the 8th after I arouse from my diabetic coma with a glass eye.

20 comments

Liz

January 2nd, 2014

Stan, I so can relate. For me, the idea of kicking the sugar addiction remains this vague idea in the distant future with no particular date. In fact, I never travel without chocolate in my carry on bag just to be sure I never am out. We’re in Sweden now where it’s dark and cold. The sun sets by 3pm which is another good reason for more chocolate. Sweets are good. And don’t worry, the eye thing will clear up. Have you tried vegan marshmallows melted with a chocolate almond bar? It will make you forget about giving up sugar:) Sadly, I’m far away from the land of vegan marshmallows for a while. xo

January 2nd, 2014

OK… Here’s the deal. You (& certain segment of population, including me) can’t kick sugar – not entirely. If you entirely kick sugar, you’ll never succeed. Your history with trying to kick it is a case in point, right? I know this because it’s my history, too. So, I’ve made peace with this fact and forged a plan. I only *really* eat sugar on Saturdays – my “cheat,” or as I call it in front of the kids, “treat” day, very special occasions (which often fall on Saturdays) and birthdays – as long as there aren’t toooo many of those last two. After treat day(s), I try to eat really clean to re-normalize the blood sugar. This has worked really well for me. I find my body metabolizes sugar better now that I’ve been consistently clean during the week, and I’ve started to eat wayyy less of it. You’ll probably go crazy the first *several* treat days, but it’s doable. You can try to stretch it out to eating sugar only on Moon Days, but once a week is really doable, then you’re not a TOTAL bummer at least once a week – and if you want that cookie, you can wait pretty easily until Saturday, you know? Not too far away. ***Of course, every day’s a treat day right now, since I don’t have a kitchen!!! Hoping to rent one SOON – can’t wait to feel clean again. xoxo PS. saw you yesterday, and thought you were GORJ – didn’t notice the stye at all!

January 2nd, 2014

I always ramble in your comments… Hope that helps – email if you want more deets. Mazel Tov! And congrats to you and the fam, Stan! xoxo

January 2nd, 2014

…I meant Mazel Tov on the wedding. Going to rest now. Is it Saturday yet? 😉

January 3rd, 2014

Stan, you are so funny and your post made me laugh and start to feel quite silly! That’s wonderful news about Mercedes! I think the same thing ALL THE TIME and occasionally succeed for short disappointing stints not near the holidays. I went without sugar for 3 months once. Somehow my willpower was exceptionally high and it felt easy. I also started to feel more grounded and my skin started to glow, kind of. I’m not sure what happened, but those three months are long gone, evidently I grabbed a clump of sugary stuff at some point and my attempts crumbled. I have somewhat tamed my sugar addiction, but Christmas is the worst! I totally cave and feel really deprived if I don’t. I think the solution might be Alice in Wonderland tiny so that you aren’t technically saying no,… technically. Drop sugar entirely most of the time, and then for a wedding or the holidays, have – say a piece of cake precisely the size of a sugar cube. Really savour it. Make a rule that it still needs to take as long to eat as everyone else’s. When anyone asks you what the hell you are doing just quote Lewis Carroll. I’ll do it too. After finishing my massive pile of mashed potatoes that I rudely stole from everyone else because it was my only food choice I’ll move on to dessert. First I’ll say I don’t want cake. Then when cajoled, I’ll ask for a reely reely reely reely small piece. Everyone will feel marginally better until they see how small. If you try it, then, you can be the quietly judgmental-hard-to-cook-for-eyeball- challenged-vegan slowly eating the tiniest cake. When asked to explain, just say “Alice in Wonderland!!!” Its the kind of compromise that will then make your choice to eat no sugar the following year, having regrown your real eye, seen like the epitome of grace and charm. :) thanks! that was such a fun post to read! happy new year! i’ll be trying to kick sugar too.

January 4th, 2014

Miss Stan, I love reading your blogs, and adore the pictures you post. Thank you.
For the sugar blues may I suggest including more fresh or frozen fruit daily.
We naturally have a sweet tooth, why fight it? Satisfy it!
Wishing you and family a wonderful new year, health and prosperity.

LI Ashtangini

January 4th, 2014

I start my detox on January 7. I totally forgot we are both Capricorns. :) I figure by the end of the day on the 8th I’ll be ready to murder like, everyone on the planet. Yaaaaaaayyyyy.

stan

January 5th, 2014

Liz – I love how everyone else is telling me how to kick sugar, and you are explaining how to make vegan s’mores. You are a very bad influence, but that makes me love you more!

stan

January 5th, 2014

Haley-O: Thank you! I know it isn’t about self-discipline. But more about the sneaky nature of sugar and how it starts to creep slowly into my life until I realize that I am not eating it once a week (like my usual plan) but once a day. Which would be fine, if sugar didn’t make me more stressed and anxious and eye-pimply. Anyway, back to once a week. Ugh.

stan

January 5th, 2014

Haley-O: Thank you! I know it isn’t about self-discipline. But more about the sneaky nature of sugar and how it starts to creep slowly into my life until I realize that I am not eating it once a week (like my usual plan) but once a day. Which would be fine, if sugar didn’t make me more stressed and anxious and eye-pimply. Anyway, back to once a week. Ugh. And you are totally not rambling!

stan

January 5th, 2014

Andrea – Okay, you and me both! I will try the Alice-in-Wonderland thing, and hope no one thinks that I am dieting. Because I disagree with dieting more than I disagree with eating sugar all the time. I am sure if I just mention the eye pimple everyone will understand. Thanks for reading and commenting!!

stan

January 5th, 2014

Hi Yogaranka, Thanks for your nice comment! You are right, more fruit and mild sweets is the ticket for me. I hope you have a great new year too! :)

stan

January 5th, 2014

Hey, Li Ash – well, fellow Capricorn. Think of me celebrating a sugar-dry birthday when you are detoxing. Fun. Meh.

stan

January 5th, 2014

Yogaranka – Wait! I know who you are! You are my first yoga teacher. LOVE!!!

January 5th, 2014

Yea Stan, that is so cool! Now you are spreading the yoga love too! LOVE back to you!

Katharine

January 10th, 2014

I need to get a copy of said harsh vegan kids’ book from Farm Sanctuary for my baby! What’s it called? I obviously already have The Lorax – best book ever!
xo
Kat

stan

January 11th, 2014

Kat – it is called “That’s why we don’t eat animals.” You should have it!
http://www.amazon.ca/Thats-Why-Dont-Eat-Animals/dp/1556437854

January 12th, 2014

If you have Vata in your constitution you will always love sugar!

stan

January 15th, 2014

Melissa – I believe I do have vata in my constitution. And I believe I will love sugar forever!

Lydia

January 15th, 2014

Happy Belated Birthday! You are not alone in your sugar addiction. I’m sure having a sweet tooth that was part of Guruji’s legacy to Ashtanga students worldwide. But at least I can relate and understand those of us who struggle with sugar. On the other hand, I can’t fathom people who do not have any desire for sweets…..aliens!!!!

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